he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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