I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
