it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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