Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
