I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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