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if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Randomize
