hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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