I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
