My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
