i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
