I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize
