glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
