We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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