I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
