Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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