i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
