you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
