Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
