Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
