I think I won the penis lottery.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Randomize
