just come out here and I will go home with you...
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize