I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
