So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
