Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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