i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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