R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
