I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm bleeding and have questions
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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