Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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