You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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