First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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