I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
