his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
