apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
