Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
