I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
