Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
