Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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