I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize