So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize