Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
