i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
May the power of my ass compel you!!
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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