i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
