its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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