just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
