She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
