Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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