Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
