I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
