Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
