You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
