I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
