i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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