For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
