Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
