Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
