I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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