omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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