I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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