Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
