So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
