somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
