I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
