we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
