I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
we're making bets on your personal life
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
