We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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