Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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