she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
