How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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