Need sex. Gaining weight.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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