I puked a lego.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
