And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
