i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
