Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
