Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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