we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
