Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
