genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
