I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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