she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Enjoy the penises
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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