He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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